Masasına oturdu. Bu ayki dergi yazısını yazacaktı. Gündemle ilgili konularda yazmak istedi, ama yazdıkları olduğu haliyle, yaşandığı haliyle ulaşabilecek miydi okuyucusuna? O sadece bir dergi yazarıydı. Hani daha çok da ebeveyn ve çocuklarla ilgili yazılar yazıyordu. Sessiz kalsa sessiz kalmayı içine sindiremiyordu. Ses etse kimseye saldırmayan, barışcıl sözler bile söyleniyor olsa söylemek ve yazmak, pek kabul görmüyordu.
Sana verildiği kadar ye, sana verildiği kadar iste, sana verildiği kadar haberlerden haberdar ol. Sorma, sorgulama. O da, etliye sütlüye karışmıyordu. Hayatı boyunca öylece akmıştı yaşamla, çünkü su akar ve daima yolunu bulur diye inanırdı. Tek derdi sevgiyi hatırlamak, daim kılmaktı. Vicdanı ise uyutmuyordu. Aktif bir katılımcı olmasa da, son aylarda tanık oldukları vardı. Gözlerine inanamadığı, bu kadarı olmaz dediği…
Sadece başını değil, kalbini de secdeye koyuyordu geceleri… Yazmak istediği her şeyi yazabilmek ve uyuyanları uykularından diriltecek bir yazı olması için dua ediyor, bir işaret istiyordu. Öyle bir yazı olmalıydı ki, herkes yaşananları tüm açıklığıyla okumalı ve bilinç seviyelerinde fark yaratmalıydı.
Belki de her okuyucu bu yazının içine kendi hislerini, tanıklıklarını, yaşanmışlıklarını, söylemek istediği her şeyi yazmalıydı. Yaşanan her şeyin dönüşmesi, güzele ulaşması için bu kâğıt en pozitif cümlelerle, içinde saf, sonsuz güzel duaların olduğu ortak bir niyet yazısı olmalıydı ve bir akarsuya bırakılmalıydı. Akarsu, pislik tutmaz. Öylece tertemiz kaynağa akar. Bu yazı da, öylece kaynağa akmalıydı. Akarsu yoksa akan suya bırakılmalıydı.
Kâğıtlarına ve kalemlerine baktı. Kâğıdı tertemiz, bembeyazdı. Keşke olan her şey tüm açıklığıyla bu beyaz kâğıt kadar temiz olabilse ve bu kadar anlaşılabilir olsa dedi. Sonra kalemlerine baktı. Kurşun kalem, dolma kalem, tükenmez kalem ve bir kalemi daha vardı adı onda saklı olan…
Kalemlere neden bu isimler verilmişti acaba?
Kurşun kalem… İçinde kurşun geçen bir varlığa dahi elini uzatmak istemedi. Ne içindi kurşun? Yaralamak, öldürmek için… Oysa amacı incitmek, yazdıklarıyla birilerini yaralamak, değildi. Yapamazdı zaten. Onun eli bu zamana kadar çiçek ya da kalem tutmamış mıydı ? Her yazdığında sevgiyi anlatmak istemiyor muydu ? Şimdi de sadece olanı olduğu haliyle fark ettirmek istiyordu. İçimizdeki birlik halini hatırlatmak istiyordu.
Dolma kalemine baktı. Sağda solda o kadar çok doldurma haber vardı ki; dolma kalemle de içi dolu olup da, boş gibi gösterilmeye çalışan şeyleri yazamazdı. Yürekler yeterince dolmuş taşmıştı. Dolu bir şey yeniden dolmaz. Önce boşaltmak gerekir. Son zamanlarda yaşananlar yıllarca dolan yüreklerin enerjilerini boşaltması değil miydi bir nevi?
Tükenmez kalemini eline aldı ve epey elinde tuttu. Tükenmez kalem… Bir yazarın yüreği hiç tükenmez. Onun yazdıkları tükenmez bir kaynaktan gelir. Oysa nasıl içindeki tükenmeyen duyguları dile getirebilirdi. O anda işaretin, günlerdir arzu ettiği her şeyi yazabilmek için aradığı yolun gözlerinin önünde olduğunu fark etti. Duası kabul olmuş, günlerdir göremediği çıkış yolunun gözünün önünde olduğunu fark etmişti.
Beyaz kâğıtlara baktı.
Kalemlerinin arasından ‘Görünmez Kalem’i seçti ve olanı olduğu haliyle beyaz kâğıtlara yazdı. Arkasına milyonlarca beyaz boş sayfa ekledi. Her okuyan kendi görünmez kalemiyle yazsın ve ortak niyet evrene salınsın; görünmeyen görünsün, okunmayan okunsun, duyuramadığımız sesler iyi niyetlerle duyulsun diye… Sonra kağıtların üzerine ellerini koydu. Sevgi ve şevkatle her satırın sarmalandığını imgeledi.
Görünmez Kalem…
Anladı ki bu dönemde bir yazarın olanı yazmaması, susması değildi gerçek olan. Tüm gerçekliği görünmez kalem ile de olsa mutlak yazabilmesiydi. Görünmez Kalem ile yazılan bölümü gönül gözünüzü açarak okumanız, gözünüzün önündekini fark edebilmeniz niyetiyle…
Gerçek saklanamaz. O tüm açıklığıyla daima oradadır. Zamanı gelince kendini gösterir; hayırla görünür olur. Hücre düzeyinde zaten bildikleriniz bilişinize yükselsin, hatırlansın, mühürlensin…
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